To Hell with Duke Nukem!
by Hit Parader
Summary: A cross between Duke Nukem and Doom. Duke is the hero, but the Doom elements are all there in abundance. Not for the light hearted or squeamish, as it contains Satanic rituals and extreme violence, sexuality, and language.
1. Live and Let Die

Chapter I - Live and Let Die  
  
The current year: 2010. The place, a U.A.C space installation stationed on Mars. The single surviving space marine from the previous slaughter of demons has just sealed up the very last gate of Hell. Or so he thought. The sound of glass shattering is heard in the distance.  
"What the. . .?" the marine looked behind him, but nothing was there. He had to get off this damn installation, back home to Los Angeles. He made his way through the destruction that is now the U.A.C. installation, and into the shuttle bay, where he would find his way home, the last emergency escape pod in the building. He took off his armor, lit a cigarette, and started toward the pod. Just then he heard a sinister laugh from behind him.  
"Ha ha ha!!! I never thought I'd live to see the day when the hero of the Earth realm has dropped his guard." The marine squinted to just barely make out the figure of the Demon Mother. He stared in horror.  
"I. . .I killed you!" gasped the marine.  
"You really are dumb! Your Earth weapons cannot kill ME!" sneered the Mother.  
The marine had an ace up his sleeve. He had the demon laser! "Eat this you disgusting bitch!!" He fired his laser until he ran out of ammo, but to little effect.  
The Mother squirmed in pain, but was still alive. "You little bastard! I'll kill you for what you have done to my children!!" Just then, without any further sound, the Mother grasped the marine's neck and squeezed until his head popped off like a dandelion. With blood everywhere, there was dead silence.  
We go now to Earth, namely, Los Angeles. The City of Angels. Just outside the Cat's Paw motel, a muscular man in a red tank top and jeans, with a blonde crew cut and sunglasses lights up a cigar and takes a drink from his whisky bottle. It was Duke Nukem, who was responsible for saving the world from a myriad of alien attacks. "Thank God those alien bastards are finally dead. Every last stinkin' one of 'em." Just then he heard a sound much like a helicopter plummeting to its doom. "Holy shit!" exclaimed Duke. In the distance, he saw what looked like a small airplane on fire, crashing into the desert. "I better check that out," he thought. "but it had better not be any fucking aliens!"  
Duke made it out of town in his Jeep Wrangler, and found the crash site. It looked like some sort of emergency pod from a space shuttle. He opened the hatch only to find a headless body, covered in blood and severely burned. "God damn those bastards!" He cried out, believing that once more, he would have to kick some alien ass. 


	2. No Chance in Hell

Chapter II - No Chance in Hell  
  
The Demon Mother, being the only remaining demon in Hell, sat at her throne to contemplate how she would rebuild her demon army. She gazed into a pool of blood and scryed. She saw a vast army of strange creatures lead by what she thought was a Cyberdemon with one eye in her scryeing pool, and got an idea. If she could take over the army of creatures, she could have her own army back! A better army! She started the rites for the ritual that would open a gate between her world and theirs. She slit her own wrists to create a pentagram from blood. In the middle of the pentagram star, she placed a live human baby, which she had taken from the demon's last invasion. She fed the baby droplets of blood from her wrists, and then she took a blade and pierced its torso, sacrificing the baby and opening a gate. During this time the aliens, led by the Cycloid Emperor, Zero, were constituting an attack on a nearby planet. The whole army was gathered, and they were about to head out for an invasion of a planet that had no Duke Nukem. Just then the intruder alarms had gone off, and a loud roar came from the teleportation area. The lizard scouts were the ones instructed to check out the disturbance while the rest of the army advanced onto their target. Screams of pain and rage were heard by all as the lizard scouts fell one by one. This was getting a little out of hand, but nothing the aliens' vast army couldn't take care of. The pig soldiers were the next to try and take care of the disturbance, and also the next to be mercilessly mowed down one by one. A great fire started to arise in the military base of the aliens, and all over the planet as well. The Mother was succeeding! She was taking the alien army as her own! Enforcers, Octabrains, even Battlelords were being mercilessly slaughtered by the Demon Mother. Soon it was only the Mother and Zero. Zero gazed at the mother, and his former army of demon aliens. "What have you done?!" Zero demanded. His eye gazed into hers. "I am taking your race over, Cybercreature! Soon, my demon army will be complete, and I will rule all realms!" The Mother gazed back at Zero, and as she floated before him, an evil smile spread across her already evil face. "Kill him!" she commanded her new minions. 


	3. Suspended

Chapter III - Suspended  
  
An RPG rocket fired into the Mother's back. She just laughed and turned around. She was face to face with Duke Nukem. "Fool. Do you know who I am?" she hissed. "No, but I know you need a breath mint," remarked Duke. This got him hit in the face by the Mother, sending him flying back about ten feet. She sneered at Duke, not knowing who he was but knowing he was a potential threat, which only meant one thing: He had to be eliminated. Zero, who had been killed by the demon aliens and was now a demon himself, had used his inheritant demon power in conjunction with his own alien power to freeze Duke in suspended animation. "To the Earth realm!" the Demon Mother cried. The gate was once again opened, and the army went through to Earth. 


	4. Kicking Ass and Chewing Bubble Gum

Chapter VI – Kicking Ass and Chewing Bubble Gum  
  
On Earth, all Hell was breaking lose, literally. The rivers were running red with blood, fires were destroying everything, and the demons were taking over. Armies, Navies, and Air Forces were eliminated mercilessly at the hands of the new demons. Zero had taken a place at the Mother's right hand. The two had reproduced several hundred times, and the Mother had given birth to all of her original demon species again. Her army was greater than ever! Lizard scouts and zombie slaves alike, pig soldiers and imps alike, Battlelords and Hell Knights alike, even the dreaded Pain Elementals and Cyberdemons were back! And the Mother and Zero were at the head of it all. The demons had succeeded in invading earth. Back in the alien planet, Duke was still in suspended animation. Things remained this way for 20 years, until Duke managed to break from his frozen prison. He was in the cell block area of the alien keep on their planet, and he had to find a way to escape. Duke faced little resistance, as almost all the demon aliens were on Earth. There were just a few Pig Soldiers and Enforcers he had to deal with. He reached into his holster to pull out his trusty Desert Eagle, when he realized it was missing. Not only was that missing, but all of his other guns were gone as well! He had to use his wits to get out of here. And he had to find his guns! He stared at a Pig Soldier's back as he contemplated a way out. He grabbed the pig by the neck, and before the pig could react, his neck was snapped and he dropped to the ground, dead. Duke grabbed the 12 gauge shotgun from the dead Pig Soldier's hands, and grabbed all the shells from the pig's belt. Duke lined up a shot, and with a loud "BOOM!" an Enforcer fell to the ground in a bloody mess. Duke caught a Pig Soldier out of the corner of his eye, ducked turned, and shot. Another demon alien down. Once Duke got out of the keep, it was a piece of cake to find a way off the planet. Except he had landed on Earth to find he was too late. WAY too late. Buildings were burned to the ground, streets were littered with zombie demons, and species he had never even seen before were patrolling all over. The only thing that was intact was a large castle-like building in the very center of the land he was on. He wasn't even sure what country he was in, everything was so damaged. He made his way to the castle, shooting down zombies along the way, and avoiding anything that could potentially be dangerous (which was just about everything). He ran up the stairs to the large stone door, to find it was locked. A picture of a small blue skull was painted next to the keyhole. "Dammit, I get sick of these fucking keys." he said to himself. He walked around the outer wall of the castle, trying to find a secret panel in the wall where the key was hidden, but to no avail. He circled once around before hearing a series of sharp, high-pitched screams coming from behind him. He grabbed his shotgun and loaded it up as fast as he could. He turned around. "Holy shit!" he yelled. He was looking at about a dozen flaming skulls right in front of him, all charging right at him! He fired his gun, which took out 2 or 3 of the Lost Souls at a time, because of the spread of the shotgun. But no matter how many times he killed them, more seemed to come out of thin air. He just then saw a flying purple creature with one eye and two mouths emerge from the shadows. The creature was spewing out these skulls! Duke immediately focused his attention on this new threat, and killed it within a few shots from his shotgun. The creature was engulfed in flames before long, and then blew up in a small explosion, but in its wake about a half dozen more flaming skulls emerged. How could that happen? No matter. Duke made short work of them, but he soon found he was running very low on ammo. He searched the bodies of the zombie demons he had killed, and found a .45 caliber pistol, about three dozen clips, and a couple box loads of shotgun shells. "It's time to kick ass and chew bubble gum, and I'm all out of gum" he said out loud as he faced the demonic-looking castle once more.  
  
Chapter V Coming Soon! 


End file.
